You can be a great parent and have a diagnosis of BPD. There, I said it. You heard it here first.
My little girl is nearly two and she had an absolutely incredible start in life. She is glowing with health, developing her skills and knowledge of the world and has so much fun. I'm not afraid to shout from the rooftops about what an amazing life she has because the only thing I've read about parents with BPD is how awful they are. I want to disrupt that narrative.
Since sharing a bit about being a mum, I've had people contact me saying that I've given them hope for their wish to be a parent. I am so glad I could do this. I can also relate to this place of needing hope because in the past I was scared I couldn't be a great mum because of my BPD.*
I owe a lot to Jess from Multiplicity and Me who used to blog/vlog extensively about her life with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Jess is now a thriving mum and psychotherapist. The moment I saw Jess' Instagram post announcing she had given birth to her first baby was the moment I realised that I could do that too. Dissociative Identity Disorder is very heavily stigmatised in some ways that are similar to the stigma surrounding BPD. I knew Jess would be an amazing mum and if she could do it, then why couldn't I?
Through Jess, I realised that having BPD doesn't mean you can't give a child the love, nurture and care they need- and deserve. It might mean you have to line up a few things slightly differently and learn a whole bunch of things that others don't have to (such as how to regulate your emotions, relate to yourself with more compassion and plan your life so it's as balanced as it can possibly be), but it certainly doesn't mean you can't be a great parent.
It fills my heart when I see how full my daughter's heart is. She glows with happiness and honestly, so do I. I love her so much and know she feels this love too. Yes, you might need to do things a little differently and learn a few things to be a great mum with BPD. But having BPD doesn't mean you can't be a brilliant parent.
In fact, I think my experiences make me an empathetic and attuned mum to my little girl, determined to help her find (or make) her place in the world, know her own strength and worth.
With hope,
-Rosie x
*A special thank you to all articles and books framing people with BPD as emotional vampires who suck the joy out of everyone close to them. No wonder everyone with BPD has such great self-esteem!!
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