I wish the Netflix drama Heartstopper had been around when I was a teenager. If you've watched Season 2 of the show, then you will know that one of the key storylines is Charlie's mental health problems, including self-harm and an eating disorder. As anyone who has aspects of their identity frequently misunderstood or feels stigma in any way knows, representation matters.
Note: This post mentions self-harm and eating disorders, depicted in the Netflix drama Heartstopper.
In Heartstopper Season 2, we see main characters Nick and Charlie, who have been in a romantic relationship since the middle of Season 1, talking about Charlie's eating disorder. Not only this, but they discuss how these mental health problems unfold in the context of their relationship. We watch Nick asking himself complex questions along the lines of: 'how can I help Charlie?', 'is my love enough?', 'what even is enough?'. Through the character of Nick we essentially see a person ask themselves the big question: 'what is it like to love someone who is struggling so much with their mental health problems?'
Heartstopper Season 2 stopped me in my tracks. I haven't such nuanced questions and complexities about mental health problems in the context of young adult relationships play out on-screen in such a hopeful and sensitive way before. Not only that, I don't think I've ever seen such a loving and warm relationship in which one of the individuals is struggling with self-harm and/or an eating disorder depicted on TV. Often characters who self-harm or have eating disorders have very negative character traits written into them. Kudos to the writers of this season who ensured that Charlie's struggles were neither glamourised nor made out to be a reason why Nick could not love Charlie and Charlie could not love him too.
As a person who struggled with self-harm and an eating disorder as a young person, watching Nick and Charlie's on-screen relationship bloom felt like more than watching romance for entertainment's sake: it felt like important TV. People might think that's a ridiculous thing to say about a Netflix teen romance drama, but the message in the series for people with mental health problems might be something like this: people with mental health problems can be loved and they can can love. The trope I've seen (and sighed at) a million times is: you can't love someone else until you love yourself. I know where this phrase is coming from, and there is probably a part-truth buried deep in it, but as a whole it's just not true.
When I was in the depths of my eating disorder and struggle with self-harm as a young person, the disgust and I felt towards myself made me feel abject. I did not want to show myself to someone and open myself up to be being called broken, unlovable, hideous. I don't know I would have coped with rejection like that. I can relate to how vulnerable Charlie felt about showing his scars to Nick.
These scenes of being Charlie being seen, both physically and emotionally, and the moments of acceptance between the two guys moved me. Nick saw— and loved— Charlie for Charlie. It was not that his struggles were ignored and treated as if they didn't exist, which would most likely have caused Charlie to feel shame, but his struggles were treated as a part of the whole of him—and implication therefore was that the whole of him was lovable.
If I had seen Heartstopper Season 2 as a young person then maybe I could have thought to myself: so there is a possibility that I am lovable and that I can be loved by someone. Maybe I am whole, even when I feel like I'm shreds of a person.
I didn't think everything about the portrayal of Nick's mental health difficulties was realistic (the therapist scenes, the eating disorder hospital, the incredibly aesthetically-pleasing school), but I'm not going to be too critical because it's a TV drama and not a realistic depiction of life. One thing that I thought felt real, and couldn't get enough of course, was the tension Charlie felt between silence and speaking.
I could feel Charlie trying to find the right words and the right people and the right time and the right tone with which to speak about his struggles. I know this terrifying, complicated dance well, as do many people with mental health difficulties. I know how it feels to be stumbling over words, getting the conversational footwork wrong, being all blushes and apologies. 'I don't know why it's so hard to just...say it', says Charlie at one point. It was affirming for me to this tension lived out on-screen by a likeable, caring character. I think a lot of us know why it's so hard to 'just say it'.
It was not just Charlie who wrestled with speaking. I loved seeing the people who loved Charlie— Nick himself and also his fiercely-caring sister, amongst others— grappling with the how, and the when, of speaking. They were uncertain about how to speak to Charlie about his struggles, even acknowledge their existence, without making him (or perhaps themselves) close up or run. It was beautiful to see a character with mental health problems be so loved and so capable of loving by lots of different people in their life. Whilst his family and friends worried about him and found communications complex at times, Charlie was not once portrayed as 'too difficult to love' or as a 'problem child'. This aspect of the show felt honest and full of integrity; I think this is why the final scene of the series made me cry. Everyone with mental health problems should have such moments, just as like Charlie had, with people they love.
In a world that sometimes revels in othering people with certain kinds of mental health problems, Heartstopper 2 felt humanising. Just because Charlie had serious mental health problems didn't mean his boyfriend's emotional complexities and dilemmas weren't important or nuanced too. The writers made sure that both characters had struggles, although they played out differently in their lives with varying intensities. Nick was shown to have a complicated emotional life, just as we all pretty much do. Whilst some of us have diagnosable mental health conditions and some of us don't, this seemed to say: we are all human. When this is not used to belittle people with mental health problems ('suck it up we all have problems'), it's a valuable thing to remember.
As a teacher and someone who tried to speak to teachers (with mixed success) when I was young about my mental health difficulties, the interactions between the teachers and Charlie were also really interesting to me. When Nick's first attempt to speak to a teacher about his struggles didn't land, it showed the importance of talking as a process, not something that always happens perfectly on the first attempt.
In my experience, rarely is talking perfect in the first attempt. It can take time to find the right person, at the right time and in the right place. Just because someone doesn't listen fully the first time doesn't necessarily mean they don't want to; perhaps it warrants another try (I know this is hard). With regard to feeling comfortable to speak, perhaps a second opportunity with some changes to the environment or the dynamics might work better. Talking and listening is a learning process for everyone involved and we saw this play out in various contexts across the season.
There are LOTS of things I enjoyed about the show and I am aware I haven't even mentioned the important LGBTQ+ aspects of the show. One thing I loved was seeing the success that Charlie had within his school community, being nominated for the position of head boy. I imagine that both young people with mental health difficulties and/or LGBTQ+ young people watching the show might find this a heartening and hopeful moment in the story. Charlie was successful and lovable and loved, and all the while he was struggling. Also, I have a lot love and time for shows that feature guys expressing their feelings to one another in honest and generous ways. We need a LOT more of this please!
Heartstopper 2 reminded me that it's so important to see people being lots of things. I'm a teacher and a mum and a partner and a friend and I happen to have BPD (in no particular order). My favourite word is 'and' when it comes to talking about identity, it seems. When I was at school I hid my struggles (and I still sometimes hide my struggles in some contexts) because I know some people fail to take into account all of aspects of who I am.
As always, there's so much more I could write, but I have to sleep now! I would love to know your thoughts if you've seen the show.
-Rosie x