There are very, very few books about borderline personality disorder written by people with lived experience. In fact, my book Talking About BPD: A Stigma-Free Guide to Living a Calmer, Happier Life with Borderline Personality Disorder is the only book I'm aware of about BPD by a UK-based author with lived experience. Whilst I know of a few books by authors with lived experience in the US, such as Stronger Than BPD: The Girl's Guide to Taking Control of Intense Emotions, Drama and Chaos Using DBT by the brilliant Debbie Corso, I know of none at present published in the UK apart from me.
That makes my book unique, which on the one hand feels very special, but on the other hand it also says a lot about the huge lack of books written by people with first-hand experience of a BPD diagnosis. I have a few thoughts on why this might be. Firstly, people with BPD may be struggling so much that writing a book may be the last thing on their to-do list. Secondly, I think it relates to the number of people with BPD who don't feel able to speak openly about their experiences. I wish there were some statistics on this, but I would hazard a guess that BPD is one of the least commonly disclosed mental health conditions of all across a number of contexts like within families, amongst friends, in the workplace and so on.
As I wrote in my post, on hopeful, positive role models for BPD in the Media, accurate representations matter. When a person who is silenced, marginalised or struggles to live openly sees themselves reflected in the media or in the arts with integrity it can help them start to live more authentically. It can help them feel seen and then allow them to start the process of daring to be seen by others. It can be a conversation starter too: have you seen that TV show on iPlayer about BPD? (I've never actually had a chance to say that. Still waiting. If any producers want to contact me my inbox is wide open...)
With all of this in mind, and the fact that I seem to be the only UK-based author writing about BPD from a lived-experience perspective, I'm keen to support any authors who want to write a book about their experience of this diagnosis.
I therefore thought it might be helpful to respond to a few FAQs that I've been asked over the last few years with regard to writing (and publishing) a book about BPD. If you have a question that's not addressed here, then please get in touch as I am keen to offer any support to any aspiring writers working on this topic!
How did you make the book happen? / how did you find a publisher?
I have always wanted to write a book, but I didn't know it was going to be about BPD. My interest has always been in novels or poetry as I love literature (so much that I studied it at university). Around the time I won a Mind Media Award in 2019, I started to plan a book based on my blog. The theme was going to be how I learned to manage my BPD and see that I wasn't a monster who ruined everyone's lives like the internet, and quite a few books on the subject, told me I was.
At the time, I was very active on Twitter and lots of my tweets were viral or had really high engagement (my followers are dropping now as Twitter doesn't really interest me these days and I know lots of people are leaving as they aren't enjoying it). I tweeted that I was writing a book and it blew up a bit. I got an email from an editor called Jane at JKP Publishers which felt very lucky because I had been reading JKP's author submissions that week and thinking of submitting a book proposal.
I went to meet Jane at the JKP head office near King's Cross Station— one of the most exciting moments of my life. I still remember that feeling walking down the street before and after the meeting. I felt nervous because I wanted to impress with my ideas, but I also wanted to find out whether I felt I could trust Jane as an editor and the publisher as an organisation. I talked with Jane about the stigma associated with BPD and how I felt most books on the topic that cast people with BPD as manipulators, drama queens or incapable of having loving relationships. I spoke about book covers and how I can't bear the ones with broken mirrors, people yelling or black, white and red (signifying blood or rage).
I came away feeling like I could trust and Jane said the next thing I needed to do if I wanted to proceed was send the proposal and the first chapter. I did that within a month or so. The proposal and chapter were discussed by Jane and the wider editorial team and the next thing I knew I had an email saying they loved it and wanted to take me on as author. My dream was coming true!
How long did it take you to write the book?
I wrote the first book pretty fast. Jane gave me feedback on the first couple of chapters and told me to keep going with the same warm and caring tone and the same kinds of content. It took me a few months to write a draft that felt finished enough to send to Jane for feedback. I had quite a number of days where all I did was sit and write because the pandemic had hit.
Whilst it took me just a few months to write my first book, a great deal of the thinking and preparation for the writing had taken place in the years before. I see my blog as directly linked to my book for several reasons. Firstly, my blog contains a narrative of how I learnt to understand myself, and how I came to articulate that understanding, which is what the book offers too. My blog documents, in real time, my trajectory from nauseating shame and agonising silence to a place of appreciation for who I am and confidence to speak more openly.
Secondly, a key preoccupation of this blog is essentially how to find the words that feel like an accurate articulation of my experiences at any given time. It's been a sandbox for trying out what words feel kind of right and what words definitely feel wrong. Writing the blog has been exercise of sorts in language and certainly an exercise in becoming myself. I don't know who I would be without this blog. It's been so good to me. All of this experimentation with words was perfect groundwork for writing a book.
Thirdly, the tone of the book is similar to the blog, so I was practised in writing in this 'voice' which I believe made it quicker to write the book. I didn't have to get comfortable in a whole new style or register. That being said, I do think the blog takes more risks with language, is more playful overall because of its very nature. If I don't like something, I can delete it. A book is more polished by nature...this blog is not polished and I don't aspire for it to be either because that's not the point of it!
The second book, the first draft of which is almost finished, has been written in a staggered way. This was because I'm a mum know and my time is even more limited than it was before. I have to plan a few hours here and there to write and edit whenever I can.
It seems hard to write a book. Was it Very Difficult?
Overall for me, no. As a whole writing my books has brought me fulfilment and satisfaction. I have loved writing since I first picked up a pencil and it's always been high on my list of priorities because it makes me feel good; whether that's scribbling in my journal, letter writing, blogging, writing stories, poetry. It might sound grandiose, but writing is how I understand myself and how I try to understand the world. Through writing, I get to think more clearly and I have the chance to express myself with a clarity that speaking never seems to allow me.
That being said, writing a book demands commitment. Both of my books have required countless hours of my time (I've never tracked them!) over a period of a year or more. Not only time, but another finite resource: energy. There is only so much of both of these that a person has and therefore I had to be very sure at the outset of writing both books that this was truly how I wanted to spend my time and energy. On top of writing my books, I've worked either five days a week or four and a bit days a week (the latter with a small child). As a teacher, I've been able to capitalise on the six weeks of summer in order to have long chunks of time write; without the summers I don't think I would have pulled it off without feeling very, very stressed.
Sometimes people ask me if it's mentally draining to write about personal experiences that were difficult. Most of the time, no. I generally find it very liberating to put words to things that are in my head anyway. It's not as if my memories disappeared— and it's not as if I even want them to vanish; what I've been through has made me into who I am and I don't want to change who I am. There have been times when writing both books that I've felt very sad thinking about certain experiences; even crying as I type. It's never made me feel out-of-control or that it was affecting my mental health negatively. By contrast, writing my books has brought huge benefits to my mental health; namely feeling more confident and feel stronger. It feels great to be able to capture something within the confines of a front and back cover. It feels great to know what I have expressed has made others feel more hopeful, empowered or brought them comfort.
Did you plan the book before you started writing?
Yes. Before I wrote both of my books, I spent lots of time thinking about a stricture that would help the readers understand and 'journey through' the content of the book. I have spreadsheets with each chapter, what will be covered in the chapter, along with word count and other key notes. I have a folder for each chapter and if I make significant changes then I make copies of the document, rather than overwrite (I know on Google docs you can restore versions via the history, but I prefer to just make new copies and date them so I can easily return to old versions if needed).
Do you get lots of feedback when you write?
The only people to read my first book before it was in final manuscript stage were my editor and the mental health professional who kindly gave her seal of approval from a mental health professional standpoint. Just before it went to press, my husband read it. Nobody else read it until it hit shops. If I remember correctly, I asked a couple of specific questions to my good friend Kathryn and I think my husband when I was writing.
With the first book, my editor Jane liked the first draft and she suggested only minor changes, nothing structural or in terms of the content. I am hoping this will be the case with second book to be honest with you!
Do you have any more questions? Let me know and I will try to answer them.
Rosie x
Comments