I was first diagnosed with BPD around ten years ago when I was in my final year of university. For a long time, I'd been experiencing intense emotions, shifts in my mood and feeling very distressed, including struggling with suicidal ideation and self-harm. 

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Getting a diagnosis that felt accurate brought relief. I wasn't 'making it all up' after all! But it also made me feel even more ashamed and silenced. At times I was treated like I wasn't worthy of help and that I should be able to cope with my difficulties on my own.

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I saw other mental health diagnoses starting to have more hopeful representations in the media, but the vast majority of narratives about BPD were those of hatred, despair and disconnection. I felt isolated.

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I turned to what I've been doing since I was a child to try to understand myself and find a way through the isolation, silence and shame: writing.

 

Through my blog, I experimented with words to find the the ones which felt right to me. I connected with others who felt similar. Writing became speaking and I dared myself to use my voice with more people in more contexts. It's still a work in progress.

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I let go of my anonymity when I was shortlisted for a Mind Media Award in 2017. In 2019, I won the award itself. My first book Talking About BPD: A Stigma-Free Guide to a Calmer, Happier Life with BPD was published by JKP.

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My second book, a reflective workbook on identity, relationships and possibilities for feeling positively about who you are when you have a stigmatised diagnosis is coming out soon. 

 

To learn more about my life with a BPD diagnosis, I recommend reading my blog, my book or listening to some of the podcasts I've been on.​
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