I was first diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in 2014 when I was in my final year of university. I had been struggling with intense emotions and feeling very distressed for a number of years, including experiencing suicidal ideation and self-harm. 

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My previous mental health diagnoses didn't fully represent my huge emotional shifts from sky-high joy to suicidal despair, so being diagnosed with BPD brought me relief. It was empowering to have a name for what I was going through and it helped me understand what was happening with my emotions. However, this diagnosis plunged me into an uneasy world of stigma and discrimination. 

 

The thought of being open about new diagnosis was terrifying. The results on Google, and even books by professionals, told me I was a lying, manipulating attention-seeker. I read that I was a 'nightmare' within romantic relationships, the colleague 'from hell' and the 'difficult patient' that doctors 'can't stand'. I had a feeling none of this was true, but nonetheless I was scared of how I would be seen if I spoke openly. I was scared of the negative repercussions, such as the loss of friends, career opportunities and my reputation in general.

 

Around this time, I had a number of traumatic experiences when trying to access care from mental health professionals. I was treated like I didn't matter and as if my difficulties weren't valid. The message was often like this: you should know better, you have no reason to feel this way, we are not helping you and you should get yourself out of this mess yourself. I felt silenced and ashamed.

 

I also felt isolated by these experiences and had nobody to relate to. I had no positive role models in the media who could give me hope that everything was going to be okay somehow. I turned to what I've been doing since I was a child to try to understand myself and find a way through: writing. I used blogging as a way to find the words that felt right to me and to connect with others who felt similar. As I felt less alone, my confidence grew and I let go of my initial anonymity. 

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I was shortlisted for a Mind Media 'Digital Champion' Award for my work in 2017 and won the award itself in 2019. In 2021, I published my first book with JKP, Talking About BPD: A Stigma-Free Guide to a Calmer, Happier Life with BPD. The book has been received glowing praise which has made me really happy, so much so that I'm currently working on my second book (also published by JKP). I also write articles for magazines, as well as speak on podcasts, radio and give talks to various organisations. 

 

Ten years on from my initial diagnosis, I'm proud of who I am. I'm a person who feels emotions intensely and is deeply invested in my emotional connections with others. I'm resilient, creative, empathetic and determined. I push back against the destructive narratives about BPD. It makes my heart full to know that what I write and say means something to others. I appreciate all the support I get for what I do here.

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I live in the UK with my husband, our little girl and our dog. I'm a teacher for children with additional needs and I have degrees in English Literature and Medical Humanities. You can learn a lot more about me by reading my blog.